Some of you may know I developed psoriasis on the top of my feet about 10 years ago, apparently it happens when one goes through menopause. It began to slowly but surely creep up my legs and the rest of my body. The itch kept me awake at night. A specialist said no cure, use steroid cream and diet doesn’t help. Being the health nut that I am, steroid cream was not an option. Steroid cream certainly gave relief from he itch. However, I stopped eating processed sugar and that mostly dealt to the itch.The psoriasis began to recede. It hung round on my feet, sometimes elbows and knees. Not eating sugar was great, my moods were much more even. Occasionally it flared up, being worse at this time of year.
Four months ago my dear friend of 30 years Tania Coombs, a homeopath suggested I take a remedy. Tania knows me very well, more details of my life story than anyone else. She gave me a remedy that was for deep trauma. I had certainly had my share of that. In my mind I thought but I am over all that. Tania told me to watch my dreams, to ring her with any changes good or bad, or if I needed to talk. I did that, I had emotional shifts. I also did some hypnotherapy and regression work with Ashley Ferris. Some old buried feelings came to the surface. After one regression session I felt so much more connected with my feet. I had spent the last 10 years not liking my feet but it was deeper than that.
My feet, elbows, knees are completely clear my skin looks normal ! This happened slowly, rather like the way it began.
I was taught about Nature Cure 46 years ago. The core belief is that give the body the right conditions and it will heal itself. Homeopathy works in a similar way.
Homeopathy often gets bad press which is why I have shared this story. Tania tells me that it is important for her to hear the story from the client so she can get the right remedy. Tania is very good at that.
It is so nice to have my feet back and like them again. I am going to buy some nice new sandals for summer. I used to hide my feet and the foot that it started on was always swollen. I am thrilled.
I have been walking the hill where I live for nearly 33 years. It is now a Wellington reserve. I can walk to the beach, I can walk out to a point where seagulls nest in the cliffs below. Birds are coming back; Ru ru calls on still nights and Tui are very busy at the moment eating new spring flowers and nesting. The trees that were battered by the enormous southerly storm this year are now growing new leaves. Some trees were uprooted and had to be cut down. I waited 15 years before I saw a Tui on the hill.
Yesterday, I was lying on my couch watching something on the computer and Ruby got beside me putting her head on my leg, a first. Ruby had been much more neglected and hurt than I realised. She lies on a sheep skin at my feet as I write.
Walking to the point this morning I had this thought. ” I am walking on stolen land ” I live on stolen land. I tried to imagine what this land looked like when it was full of birds and trees. My mind remembered finding the occasional real estate man wandering on the top of the hill, with his eye on the magnificent views.
I have lived here only 33 years. My daughters and now my Grandchildren s placentas have been buried here.
Ruby’s healing is taking time. I learn her story slowly. I saw it in her eyes at first. I feel it in her body which is relaxing a lot more. The hill walks which are now runs for her as she finds more of herself. Running up hillsides under the growing bush. She senses other people from a long distance but looks to me for what do I do now. The vocabulary between us is growing.
The dog trainer I got help with taught me to get her to do what I wanted using food. That does work on the instant. However, I have found Ruby has a knowing, with time we are building a language together. It is slower but feels easier and more certain.
If someone had told me when I was younger I would be training in a martial art, I would have laughed at them. I didn’t even like sport. I grew up in Invercargill, New Zealand and I don’t watch or get excited about rugby. Not quite sure how that happened to me being a kiwi.
When I started Aikido I didn’t know my left foot from my right. I was 42 years old and i wanted to defend myself properly. Nearly 24 years later, I am still training mostly 4 times a week. If I lived in Japan it would be every day. I have left behind the desire to defend myself. Sure if I had to, I would have a few things up my sleeve. I have been tested a few times over the years. Fortunately, I have remained very calm, that proved to me that my training was working.
I am strong but Aikido has relaxed me. I used to be stroppy and my life was a struggle in many ways. I feel as if I am learning the deeper aspects of Aikido. for example not to meet force head on. As my teacher says “feel how they come”. My thinking was I don’t want to feel how they come. He says” absorb their energy/attack “I do believe that these principals apply to life. I am not always relaxed to feel or absorb someone else attacking me, my ego jumps up to defend.
I will keep on training.
I have learned to magic of practice and discipline.
I train now because it is something I do, like brushing my teeth. It has taught me great balance, relaxation, timing, good posture. It keeps my body strong.
These days I am beginning to understand the power of my center and relaxation. All the macho stuff is irrelevant. I have noticed over the years that males need to let go of their muscle strength and women need to learn to trust their bodies.
My training now is about relaxing my mind and breathing, Of course the body does get strong
After much thought I decided to re home an adult dog. I have been told that dogs choose you. I think that is what happened. Her people were happy to leave her in a very fast manner. I had been preparing myself for 2 years, reading books on training dogs . I love the Dog Whisper Caesar Milan.
My last dog was found in a rubbish bag a few hours old. She did think she was human. I missed her so much when she died gracefully at home on the living room floor about 10 years ago.
When Ruby arrived and her people left. I cried because she reminded me of Esther. At first Ruby was what I thought obedient. I thought that was good, less training for me. However, it was her shyness, her fear. I discovered she had been hit and spent her days mostly tied up. It has been up and down but amazing to watch her come out of herself. In some ways she is reflecting myself. I have been living alone for 4 years now. No grumpy fella, no one to cook for except myself. Money coming in from the pension; what bliss. Ruby and I are finding our own routines. Ruby runs like the wind, swims like a fish. She has even started to like affection. Her body is so much more relaxed. As i have found more of myself, come out of my shell. I have learned that I do enjoy animals. I always talk to them. I did as a child. When Mum got sick I looked after the hens and cats. Animals have always been a comfort to me. Although Caesar Milan said; don’t get an animal for your own needs, I agree. They are animals after all and I need to be pack leader. That’s good learning for me too.
On Lyall Bay beach I met an older man who liked Ruby and said it will take 2 years for her to settle. I think he is right. Takes humans about that long after abusive relationships that’s if they are aware and have kindness around them.
I walk Ruby twice a day in the hill where I live. I get stories in my head. The blog is now a place for me to get them out of my head. So great to have this space and time.